I am feeling sad and hurt right now about a friendship that formed about 10 years ago...
like all relationships there are ups and downs... there are times you spend all kinds of time together and times you hardly talk... times you do everything together and times you go your own ways...
The friendship I am sad about has gone through all those "times" and during all those "times" I still felt a strong friendship bond... right now though... I'm either being self conscious and rediculous or our friendship bond is crumbling from the winds of change...
I have felt the winds of change taking us in different directions for about three years now... and as the winds have taken us... I have slowly felt the distance become more and more sad enducing for me... like a slow death of a family member for whom I love dearly... The friend has made many choices in there life with wich I felt was not beneficial for thier overall life happiness but it is thier life and I love them unconditionally...
I've lived about 5 feet away from thier door this past year or so and I feel the farthest away from them I ever have... I make attempts to reconnect our bond but I have a hard time seeing and getting through walls I persieve she has built between us... new friendships have taken priority... and ours seems to have been left alone on purpose to fade away...
I ask myself these questions today....what have I done that they did not like? am I too honest for them? are we that different now? am I just being sensitive? sensitive for the last 3 years? Is she sad about our friendship? is she sad about life? how is she? is she happy? what makes her happy now? is she taking care of her inner child? is she taking care of wombmaness? etc........ ?????????? I try to ask.... but the walls seem thick... I'll just remain on my path with loving openness for her to jump into if she so chooses.... because I realize friendships fluctuate...
Friendships fluctuate...
this I know...
because life has shown me so...
and if this friendship shall fade...
I will cherish all the fond memories it has made...
I'll take the love and spread it around...
and create new friendships from those lost...
and from those found...
I LOVE MY FRIEND AMY... she's a flame in lifes fire... and my heart is warmer because of her